Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
