I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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