Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
