I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize