This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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