Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
