so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
