Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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