Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
