Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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