What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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