he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
