That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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