When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
