before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
