i'm signing you up for texting rehab
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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