I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I love you. Go after that dick
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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