apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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