his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
