Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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