He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
