He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
