apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
