I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
