I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
