oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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