He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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