I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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