i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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