i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
