You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
