im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize