Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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