my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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