so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm both gender and math confused
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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