Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
