so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
