just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize