Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
