hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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