I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
