If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
