i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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