You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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