At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
