we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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