mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize