Someone shit on the floor
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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