I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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