So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Let's paint friendship bongs
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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