if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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