i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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