I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
