If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
