got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
