Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize