If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
