just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
