Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize