I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
