Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
