Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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