chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize