I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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