we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
