So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize