I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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