I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
