how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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